..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
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When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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