Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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