The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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