is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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