I looked at my own cervix.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
