when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That accounts for only three of the penises
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
