Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
