I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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