I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
