We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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