My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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