If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
