brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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