You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
