I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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