Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
