You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
