I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
