sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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