Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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