the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
