watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
accomplished twins. life is a go
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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