Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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