I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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