I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
