yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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