If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
