Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
