my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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