she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
