I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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