I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
