Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Too much gin, very little bucket
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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