I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
