remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
