i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
