after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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