TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
