I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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