I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
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My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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