I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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