Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
