Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
