last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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