marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
