we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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