He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
so much tequila, so little girl.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
