is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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