What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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