this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I am mentally ready for anal.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
