he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
