she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
