I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
