Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
