I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Text me some of your sweat
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
