i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
