I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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