Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
