Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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