my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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