omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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