FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
