I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
