he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
