So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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