I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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