fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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