Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
